The Love Conundrum
by Ayla Pascal
Summary: Sheldon's idea of pillow talk is to explain the multiverse theory.


Sheldon propped himself up on an elbow. "I am led to believe that social conventions state that I ought to start talking at this stage to avoid the typical male reaction of falling asleep immediately after coitus." He wrinkled his nose.

Penny yawned sleepily. "Look, Sheldon, there's no need…"

He continued on, undeterred. "Do you generally have one or two bowel movements a day?"

Penny's eyes flew open. "Sheldon!" she exclaimed. "That's totally inappropriate and disgusting." She felt her stomach turn over queasily at the thought.

"Really?" he asked. "I was led to believe that bowel movements were a perfectly normal human bodily function. I, myself, find myself often needing to …"

She held up a hand. "Just stop, Sheldon." She was suddenly wide awake. "Any other topic," she begged.

Sheldon frowned. "I am under the impression that you would not understand my usual conversational topics."

Penny pursed her lips. Despite their budding relationship, Sheldon could still be incredibly frustrating. "Try me," she said tersely.

"Have you ever heard of the multiverse theory?"

Penny frowned. It actually did sound vaguely familiar. "Are you talking about alternate dimensions? Like in Sliders?"

"That show was patently inaccurate," Sheldon burst out. "But yes, alternate dimensions is another way laypersons describe the multiverse theory."

Penny sighed. Talking to Sheldon was like talking to an overgrown puppy with an overly large vocabulary. Sort of cute until it started slobbering all over you and then naming all the synonyms for slobber.

He continued on, undeterred by her silence. "Tegmark claimed that the proposition that other universes exist out there is a direct result of cosmological observation."

"Are you trying to say that we can see these universes out there?" she asked.

Sheldon flapped his hand at her. "Personally, I see each quantum possibility as corresponding to a different universe. For every possibility there is out there, a new universe was created."

"So, if I didn't kiss you last week…" Penny started.

She thought she noticed a slight hurt look flash through Sheldon's eyes before it was replaced by his normal brisk scientific self. "There is a universe out there where that happened and we wouldn't be here in bed right now having this conversation."

"But doesn't it seem a bit silly to think of all of these multiple universes, without any real proof?" she asked.

Sheldon looked pleased. "You're speaking of Occam's Razor."

"If you say so." Penny had learned the hard way to just agree with him in circumstances like this.

"The layperson might argue that that to postulate a series of never-ending universes to explain our own universe violates Occam's Razor. They are fools."

Penny sighed. She knew she was going to regret this. "Why?"

Sheldon looked at her in shock. "Why Penny, I thought even you would have known this one. Many worlds, or many words, which is more elegant?"

To her, Sheldon was making less and less sense. "Huh?"

"If one were to deny the existence of these universes, we would need to complicate the theory by adding ad hoc postulates and that would be just ridiculous!"

"Yes. Ridiculous." Penny was beginning to doubt Sheldon's sanity for the second time that night. The first was when he had requested that she have a shower before sex. She had doubtfully complied and then almost fainted in shock when he began to lick her clit tentatively.

"Mmm," he'd said, with his brow furrowed, "tastes a bit salty and like lemons." Her bodywash was lemon flavoured.

His dick, on the other hand, tasted like absolutely nothing. She was rather perturbed by the lack of scent and flavor actually. Not that she liked grimy, dirty penises. Her first boyfriend had what looked like yellow scum on the head of his dick. She'd almost vomited.

It's just that she sort of expected penises to have some sort of taste. Or to taste of soap or bodywash. She briefly considered asking him what he used down there.

"But yes," Sheldon said, breaking her brief reverie, "I was talking about the multiverse theory." He started fidgeting with the sheet.

"Yes?" Penny prompted.

"Did you know that the Hindus first came up with the idea of the multiverse theory? Of course, theirs was based on primitive religion and superstition and not on science. They had the idea of an infinite number of universes and planets, each with its own inhabitants and gods, all in an infinite cycle of birth and death and rebirth. Incidentally each cycle lasted 8.4 billion years."

She stared at him. "Interesting," she said faintly. Every time she talked to Sheldon she learnt something new. She was actually becoming increasingly frustrated every time she talked to her regular friends. They had surprisingly huge gaps in their scientific knowledge. One of them didn't even know where Earth was in location to the sun. She had learnt that one the first time Sheldon decided to paste a huge poster of the solar system in her toilet together with a chart as to the most efficient way to clean toilets and bathrooms.

"It is interesting!" Sheldon burst out.

She was a bit puzzled. Sheldon normally didn't look so nervous when he rambled. "So why did you bring all this up?"

He turned red. "Do I need a reason to talk about the multiverse theory? I believe I have picked up this knack for pillow talk from those romantic comedies you've tortured me with."

Penny stared at him. "This was pillow talk?"

He nodded. "I was trying to use scientific postulates to explain my increasing emotional feelings towards you."

She raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Sheldon looked embarrassed. "I was going to say that if we accept the multiverse proposition as being accurate, despite the infinite number of universes, and the infinite number of Sheldons and Pennys out there, tonight is still undoubtedly the best night any of those Sheldons could have ever had and my feelings indicate that these nights may continue up until infinity or until one of us succumbs."

Penny blinked. That was undoubtedly the most interesting declaration of affection she had ever received.

"I love you too," she said and leaned over to kiss him.


End file.
